Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Thoughts part 2 By: Vivian Campbell

He said he'd love to see me, like back then. I told him that my "cookies" will remain in the cookie jar just for my non-existent future husband! He said that's cool, I wanna chill w/ you, watch a movie, have a drink or 2. Maybe he really wants to see me but, I never go backward I must go forward. Who knows?

I think he means well. At least he takes action. And at least he's not like that guy at Bar None's Hostess Event who shook my hand, tried to pull me in w/ sex in his eyes. He was a cute white guy but, not what the doctor ordered. Perhaps, I've been right all along and that I will marry a white guy, for they are ones who like me the most. My soul or something... Nevertheless!!!!!!!!!!! The answer is no, my child. In the end, you will marry whomever steals your heart and whose tall!!!!!!!! It's supposed to be that way although, I can count the list of all the white guys I've dated versus the black, indian and arabic guys yet that matters none. Love or attraction knows no color. I was captivated by their spirit and I thought for one moment that they were it. It turns out that they weren't no matter the creed or color, men may think the same but they aren't all the same! They're just men! I LOVE men but, I value that which is "me" wholeheartedly! I deserve the very best and, so I am saying that I'm not giving up on my cookies, just protecting them for something greater. Therefore, if he is the one I will know. This one knew he wasn't the one but, he still wants to see me. My best friend thinks he's done bamboozled me, and he hasn't. I never gave anything but, he just wants to watch a movie and I really want to go yet my soul is telling me no.. I wonder if my soul will surrender. Chances are once in a lifetime but, a contradiction because everyday you rise out of slumber, that is your chance to give it ALL you've got!!!!!!!!

Since the night has sprung I haven't given him an answer but, somehow when you tell a guy no, he equates the "no" with a yes. I feel as though if you haven't got me on Cloud 9, you haven't got me at all. You had me intimately and I wanted more, you never gave so you left. If it's so easy for you to up and leave maybe, it's your company I shouldn't keep. But, then I think at least you care enough to ask how I'm doing even if I don't know what you want. We don't mesh well but you are swell. You had made feel good back then, but I always feel good. I'm the happiest woman I know like "Charlotte" from "Sex and The City." I have everything I could ever want yet I value the fact that you wanna spend your time with me but, my soul is telling me no, no, no, Vivian- he's not what you want so don't go!!!! Who knows now. Can't make you nor the world happy, be the change you wanna see. I wanna see but then I don't. What I am really saying is that.... I won't...

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